The following is a collection of emails to and from Cynthia Morrigan. She is an eighteen-year-old college freshman at the University of Lamron. Most of the emails are from Cynthia to her best friend, Leo Freyr. The remaining involve Cynthia's thirteen-year-old brother, Orlando, and myself, her dormitory roommate, Daphne Young. As a psychology major going into research, I am interested in the psychological implications of each email. While reading the twenty-four subsequent letters, I suggest you ask yourself the following questions:

1. What role does honesty, or the lack thereof, play in the communication between Cynthia and Leo as opposed to the correspondences with Orlando and Daphne?
2. What problems are caused by the keeping of secrets?
3. What is the function of allusion, whether conscious or unconscious, in each letter for the writer?
4. How does perception affect the interpretation of each event for the writer? For the reader?

Date: Thurs 18 Aug 05
Time: 11:24 AM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Move In

Hey, Leo

I just finished moving all my stuff into my new room. My mom and little brother helped me. Orlando cried a little when he and mom left. I did, too. ;( I'm going to miss him as much as he's going to miss me. I'm glad I picked a school that's only forty-five minutes from home. But at least I still have you.

After my family left, I finished unpacking the boxes of stuff they'd helped me haul upstairs. First, I made my bed with my brand new striped bed in a bag set. I put my two favorite stuffed animals on top of my pillow: the purple teddy bear from you and the kitty from my grandfather. After I arranged all my books and school supplies and put away my clothes, I arranged my photos on the shelf above my bed where I can see them when I lay down to sleep at night. I have the one of just my parents and then my brother and me. I have the big portrait of my whole family plus the one with my pet rat perched on my shoulder. I love that one! My favorite picture of you is right in the middle of the other four. :)

So, how's your move in go? I still can't believe they put us in the dorms farthest away from each other on campus. And me, stuck in this stupid all girls dorm. How lame is that? I have a father and a little brother. Plus, I spend so much time with you. It's not like I don't know what it's like to live with boys. What do you bet my father secretly called the school and told them to keep his precious baby girl away from all those horrible male college students? Or maybe I just have bad luck! You at least get to be on a floor with other guys and girls. Now that's the real college experience. I mean, it's not like the world is neatly divided into male and female. When you visit me, I'm going to have to escort you everywhere, you know. I'll have to be with you all the time. Like I said, how lame is that?

Anyway, what do you think of your roommate? Does he seem nice? What's his major? Does he have a girlfriend? What'd his half of the room look like? Do you think you'll get along? Mine seems a little weird. She was already here and unpacked when I got here. She must have gotten up at like five in the morning to get here so early. I really hope she's not a morning person. I like to sleep in as much as possible, as you already know, and would hate to be waken by an early bird all the time.

Cynthia

Date: Thurs 18 Aug 05
Time: 4:16 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: I'm Homesick

Hey, Leo

I know you probably haven't had time to check your email yet, but I'm writing this to you anyway. And I want you to call me as soon as you read it, too.

I'm feeling a little homesick. I already miss my family even though they've only been gone for five hours. I wish Orlando hadn't cried when he and Mom left. Every time I think of him I picture him with those tears running down his cheeks. At least I cried, too, so he doesn't feel like such a baby. I really hope he doesn't think that about himself especially since I think Mom had tears in her eyes, too. (As my roommate quickly informed me, first times of separation are times of heightened emotions, or something like that.) I also miss all my friends that are still back home or at other schools. I am so glad you're here with me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

To keep my mind on other things, let me tell you about my roommate. She's one of those know-it-all science types. A psychology major, to be exact, if you can imagine that. Her side of the room is very bizarre. She has a poster of the sections of the brain and one of all the different types of antidepressant and antipsychotic medicines. After I finished unpacking my things, she tried to psychoanalyze me by the way I made my bed. But, at least she has a car. She even offered to let me borrow it sometimes. I told her that I didn't think I'd be comfortable driving someone else's car. I'm not even going to go into what she said about people who are uncomfortable taking advantage of generous offers. She did say that she would drive me anywhere I needed if she was free at the moment. So, she's weird but nice. I think we'll get along okay as long as she stops trying to diagnose me with some sort of mental illness.

Don't forget to call me as soon as you finish reading this. :)

Cynthia

Date: Thurs 18 Aug 05
Time: 6:32 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: Re: Move In

Cynthia - just got your emails, babe. And since I'm going to call you after I write this, you'll probably be reading this after I talk to you so just ignore everything I've already told you. Move in went fine for me too. Mom and dad helped me carry stuff up from the car and then left. My roommate seems cool too. He's a biology major or at least that's what I think he said. I can't wait to come by your room sometimes. Alot of people kept coming past the room to say hi so I might be mistaken. I've already met a lot of new people. The guys next to me are best friends. I think thier gay but don't want to tell us new freshmen until they know how we're going to react. Either way, I don't care. They seem like really cool guys too. But what I was going to say was the girl who lives in the second room from me is really pretty. Okay, she's hot but she's also really nice. And she seems really smart. She's one of the people that came past the room to say hi. You should meet her when you stop by. I think you'll like her. She kind of reminds me of you actually. ;) Anyway, don't be homesick. Remember, you still have me. Love always - Leo

Date: Fri 19 Aug 05
Time: 10:05 AM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Thanks for Talking to Me Last Night

Hey, Leo

I just read the email you sent me last night. And, yes, you did say everything to me on the phone that you wrote in the letter. Well, except about that girl down the hall. But, anyway, I could never ignore anything you said to me, even if you've already said it to me a million times before.

Thanks again for talking to me last night. I've never been away from home like this before.

I'll see you at lunch in the student union. :)

Cynthia

Date: Sat 20 Aug 05
Time: 7:42 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Lunch with Daphy

Hey, Leo

Did you ever figure out if your roommate is really a biology major?

I went out to dinner with my roommate tonight. (By the way, her name is Daphne. Fitting, eh?) She and I drove downtown to check out the local restaurants. Boy! If I knew anything about psychology, I bet I could analyze her driving habits! She blew right through yellow lights and once through a red. She randomly changed lanes and cut at least six other cars off. Half the time I though she was going to abandon the road and take over the sidewalk. I was seriously afraid for my life. Surprisingly, though, she did not get pulled over.

Well, Sunday is our last day of freedom until college officially starts. Maybe we could do something together tomorrow afternoon? Let me know what you think.

Cynthia

Date: Mon 22 Aug 05
Time: 10:17 AM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: First Day of Classes

Hey, Leo

Please come hold me!!!

Sorry for that random emotional outburst. But I just got back from my nine o'clock and very first class. I never really realized just how demanding college is until this morning. Part of me wonders if I'll survive this semester, let alone the next four years. However, I am kinda excited about the homework for this class. I have to read a book a week and write a 3-5 page paper every other. Looks like I don't have to put up with any busy work this semester, at least not in this class anyway. I'm happy about that fact!

What did you think about your first class? Give me a call or write me an email to let me know.

Cynthia

Date: Sat 27 Aug 05
Time: 11:37 AM
Folder: Orlando's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Miss You, Baby Brother :)

Orlando,

Thank goodness for Saturdays! I finally have a free moment to catch up on emails. I wish I had more time and energy to write you, but all of my emails seem to be shrinking in length. Please don't tell Mom, but I just had the worst week of my life! I found my first two classes without any problems, but the teacher in my one o'clock. Well, let's just say I hate her already. She is way too demanding for a freshman class. She assigned a ten page essay that was due yesterday. I didn't get hardly any sleep all week because of that stupid paper, which was why I slept in this morning. Of course, breakfast ends at 11:30 so I had to get up about half an hour ago just so I could get a hot breakfast. You don't even want to hear about how mealtime has been going for me. I could go on and on about the rest of my week, but I don't want to bum you out too much about college. After all, you'll be here (or somewhere) in only five short years. I will say this. At least my roommate and I get along. In fact, Daphne and I are becoming really good friends. Even if she does drive like a maniac.

So, tell me. How did your first week of school go? Have you talked to that girl yet? You know who I'm talking about. Don't even pretend you don't. Let me offer you a few words of advice as your older and wiser, or at least somewhat wiser, sister. I think that you should just let this girl know you like her and ask her out. What's the use of being madly in love with someone if you don't let them know you love them. Maybe you could ask her to a football game some Friday night. If it's chilly, you could offer to share your blanket with her. Let me know what happens. I'm counting on you to keep me posted about home, especially since Mom still hasn't quite figured out email.

Love from your big sis,
Cynthia

Date: Sun 28 Aug 05
Time: 3:42 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: don't miss you big sis :p

sup cynth - you wanted to be kept posted on home. mom sighs alot like she thinks your dead or something and never comin back. she cant wait til ya have a free weekend to come home. dad is the same as always - he's either sleeping on the couch or stomping around complaning about the bills - his favorite is how 'darned expensive college is now a days'. i quote him on that one. i think that's his way of saying he misses you. as for jenna, no, i havent asked her out yet - but let me remind you like you have room to talk. oh leo i love you so much will you marry me kiss kiss i love you. you make me sick sometimes - but yeah i might ask her to a football game sometime. thanx for the advice.
orlando

Date: Tues 30 Aug 05
Time: 1:53 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: [No Subject]

Leo
I;'m still very frighetened. I think I found the universrity galleries. That's what the sign above the doorsays. But I'm not sure. This campus is too big. Much too big. It scares me. I thinkI'm suppose to be at the universtiy galleries fro todays art histoy class. But which one? I'm not sure. Why did they have to do this to me on my second week of scholl?The sign says galleries as in more than one. Does it mean there is more than one gallery in this particular area or more than one on capmus? What if it means both? what if i am in the wrong galler yand my class never shows up and I sit here all alone all afternoon. What if they laugh at me because Im dumb and magnageed to get lost. What idf I start crying because they luagh at me but I feel so alone. I would just die. I'm scared. At least I found this computer lab nearlby. I just need to calm down I just need to caln down.;'
Cynthia

Date: Tues 30 Aug 05
Time: 3:15 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: Re: [No Subject]

Damn woman! (And I know you hate when I refer to any female as woman but I think this occasion deserves the expression) So damn woman! You totally need to chill out a bit. I'm assuming (although we both know what that does to u and me) you probably found the gallery by now. If not, and your still checking your email, which seems like a really odd thing to do - why not ask someone nearby for directions instead of emailing someone that might not check thier email until tonight. If you still haven't found the place, give me a call and I'll come find you and save you and then take you out to dinner. If your not still lost I'll take you out to dinner anyway. Okay? I'll probably give you a call after I send this so I'll see you later. Love ya -Leo

Date: Tues 30 Aug 05
Time: 7:35 PM
Folder: Daphne's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: I Hate Him

Daphne, Why the hell are you in class when I need you here?! So I went to dinner with Leo tonight. After such a horrible afternoon, I was looking forward to spending the evening with him. But he brought that stupid slut from his dorm with him. I was so mad. I almost left but then I decided I might as well get a free dinner out of the stupid situation. I barely talked to him the whole time! Then he had the nerve to ask if I was upset about something. He even tried to joke about my anxiety attack this afternoon. He is such an idiot.

Cynthia

Date: Tues 30 Aug 05
Time: 7:42 PM
Folder: Orlando's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Re: don't miss you big sis :p

Whatever, Orlando, I don't want to hear you say anything about Leo or any other stupid duy I know because you don't even know what you're talking about. So just shut your wussy little mouth. Yeah, I called you a wuss. How dare you make fun of me when you can't even pluck up the nerve to ask out some little eighth grade girl. Anyway, what do you know about me and Leo. Nothing! Okay, do you hear me? You don't know anything about anything. I don't want to hear back from you until you ask Jenna out!
Cynthia

Date: Wed 31 Aug 05
Time: 8:40 AM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Sorry About Last Night

Hey, Leo

I am so sorry about the way I acted last night. I was just having a horrible day, as you can probably ascertain from my freak out of an email. I should not have acted so cranky at dinner last night. (Oh, and thanks for the food, since I probably, okay, I did forget to thank you but I'm thanking you now.) I was just expecting a comforting evening alone with you. Not that I have anything against what's her name, not really. I also should not have overreacted to you making fun of my incident yesterday afternoon. I know you were just trying to make me feel better. So, I send you this, my heartfelt apology. Can you ever forgive me? :\

Cynthia

Date: Wed 31 Aug 05
Time: 11:56 AM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: Re: Sorry About Last Night

Cynthia my love - of course I can forgive you. I totally understand what its like to have a awful day. Not by personal experience of course but I knew this chick once who had the most terrible life. Nah I'm just kidding. Of course I have terrible days. Who do you think I am - Mr Wonderful Everything Good Happens To Him? But seriously. Don't even worry about last night. I shouldn't have teased your about getting lost to class. This campus is rather humungous. Anyway, what are you doing this friday night? Hopefully coming over to my dorm for a get together my floor is hosting. I would really love if you came. Let me know. love - Leo

Date: Sat 03 Sep 05
Time: 2:32 PM
Folder: Daphne's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Last Night

Daphne,

You missed a great time last night! In fact, I had such a great time that I am just now crawling out of bed. (And, no, I am not horribly hung over. You know I don't partake in that kind of thing.) Too bad you had to go home for your Grandfather's birthday. I wish you could have come with me. But, since you weren't here, I'll just have to tell you everything that went down in the co-ed dorms yesterday.

As soon as I arrived at the dorm last night, I went straight to Leo's room. He was talking with his roommate, but guess who suddenly appeared when I showed up? That girl from down the hall, her name is actually Scarlet but who cares, just happened to stick her head in the door to say hi to Leo. Her hair was all big and bouncy and she kept giggling and staring at him. Leo was all like, "Hey, Scarlet. Why don't you come in and sit down. You know my friend Cynthia." At first, I was so mad that I really wanted to punch her in her pretty little face. Leo says she's smart but I think if I smacked her in the fact that her marshmallow brain would clatter against her skull. It's a good thing I have self-control.

She bounced into the room, smiling and flirting at my Leo. Instead of getting angry, though, I grabbed Leo by the wrist and pulled him from the room. I told him that I wanted to meet his neighbors and asked him to introduce me to people. He agreed, and we left her to finish his conversation about muscle injuries with the biology major. We managed to avoid the airhead slut for almost half an hour before she found us in the room with the food and drinks. She started shoving her boobs in his face, offering him this drink or that snack. I cooly but politely told her that he was having what I was having and scraped some chocolate icing from my cake and let him lick it off my finger. Needless to say, Miss Scarlet turned a rather pretty shade of scarlet.

Anyway, after Leo recovered from the shock of my finger feeding him cake, I dragged him out of the refreshment room and back to his. I pulled him onto the bed next to me and nuzzled into his arms. I told him how glad I was that he invited me to the party because I really needed to get away from all this school stuff. He told me that he was so happy to finally see me happy. He said he missed the old me from highschool, the not so serious and cranky me. I laughed and told him that I've always been cranky, just not so serious about it. He laughed which made me laugh even more. I was so happy that I didn't even care when she wandered in behind us and sat down at the end of the bed. Am I good or what? :)

Cynthia :)

Date: Sun 04 Sep 05
Time: 3:15 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: Idea!

Wow Cynth! I would never think you capable of such malicious behavior! Stealing all of Leo's attention from that poor, unsuspecting girl. I feel as if I hardly know you.

Regardless, I formulated a great idea while I was reading your Friday night adventures. Since Leo did not totally reject you, maybe you should ask him out on a date. He may have thought your behavior was merely on a friend level. Let him know you want to progress your relationship to a romantic level. I think that you should let him know once and for all how you actually feel about him.

Daphne

Date: Wed 07 Sep 05
Time: 8:53 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Saturday

Hey, Leo

How are you this wonderful Wednesday evening of the third week of school? I, personally, am absolutely grand. Classes are going well. Definitely less stressful than I originally thought. I suppose the professors have stopped with the "let's see how badly we can scare the freshmen" bit. At least it feels like that to me. Of course, now that I've said that outloud, I will probably be assigned fifty page papers in all five of my classes. How horrible would that be? You just watch, though, you just watch. The next time I write you, I won't be so cheerful.

Since I actually don't have any homework tonight, I started thinking about this weekend. Last weekend was so awesome that I really don't want this coming one to suck. I was thinking, if you don't already have plans, that we could maybe do something together. Would Saturday evening work for you? We could get some dinner together and then see a movie. I'll even let you pick which movie we'll see. What do you think? I really hope you say yes, or else I will have to cry because I need a great-weekend-with-Leo fix. You don't want to make me cry do you? ;( Just write me an email or give me a call. I love ya! :)

Cynthia

Date: Thurs 08 Sep 05
Time: 6:14 AM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: The Truth

Dearest Leo,

I can't lie to you anymore. When I suggested, in my last letter, that we do something together this Saturday night, I didn't mean just as friends. I love you, Leo. And I want to be more than just friends. Much more. I barely slept last night knowing that I was tricking you into going on a date with me. But I love you, and even if you only though we were having dinner and seeing a movie as friends, I would still be thinking of it as a date. How sad is that? But what more would I have? The only other option besides going on a make-believe date with you would be to tell you exactly how I feel. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Not until now at least. To tell you the truth, I love you. I wish I could tell you exactly when I stopped liking you as a friend and starting loving you, but I can't. The change was so gradual that I was shocked the first time I realized I was in love with you. And you can't blame me for falling in love with you. Not only are you handsome, strong, and have a great smile, but you are also smart, sensitive, and all around wonderful. At least I think so, no, I know so. You are all those things and more. What girl wouldn't fall in love with you? But you are also a thief. You stole my heart when I wasn't looking and I don't know how to get it back, besides by spilling cliches at you. But everything I say is true. I love you. I know you don't love me. But I love you. And that's all that matters to me anymore. I love you and I can't hide from it anymore. You can take what I say and do whatever or leave it and leave me forever. You can take our friendship to a new level, or watch what we had fall apart and die, because face it, our friendship will never be the same again. The decision is up to you. I will be waiting for you in front of my dorm this Saturday evening at six o'clock. The next move is yours.

Love always and forever yours,
Cynthia

Date: Thurs 08 Sep 05
Time: 7:22 AM
Folder: Orlando's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Please be honest: Am I an idiot?

Orlando,

I cannot believe, and neither will you, what I just did. After how many days, months, and years of hiding my true feelings from him, I finally wrote a letter to Leo confessing that I like him more than a friend. Okay, I told him I love him. I wrote him a letter last night suggesting that we have dinner and see a movie together last night, but this morning I woke up after hardly sleeping and just spilled everything I felt about him in a letter. Without thinking about what I was doing, I hit the send button. So, whether or not I want it to be so, Leo will soon know exactly how I feel about him. Oh my god! What have I done? What if he thinks I'm a fruitcake and never speaks to me again. I have no idea what I'd do. No, stop thinking that like. He is your best friend and will not be that freaked out by my confession. Even if he doesn't like you, which he probably doesn't, stupid harlot scarlet, he isn't going to break off your friendship just like that for something like this. Anyway, I just need to calm down because what's been done has been done. There is nothing I can do about it now, except hope and wait. Please tell me I'm not an idiot for finally telling him I love him. Please be honest, but don't be brutal.

Love your crazy big sister,
Cynthia

Date: Fri 09 Sep 05
Time: 4:45 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: yes

way to go sis, i guess i have to ask jenna out now. yes your an idiot but not because of this. too bad - now i cant make fun of you for being in luv with the clueless oaf. lol i called leo a clueless oaf - i have no idea where that saying came from. i guess your freakish smartness is rubbin off on me. anyway - i hope everything works out ok with you and leo. wish me luck with jenna.
orlando

Date: Sat 10 Sep 05
Time: 6:35 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject:

Leo,

I thought I could be honest with you but I guess our whole relationship was a lie. You could have at least had the courtesy to show up and tell me that you never want to speak to me again. I should never have told you how I actually feel about you. I was better off living the deluded life of a lost lover. I was waiting outside my dorm for you promptly at six. When you didn't arrive right on the hour, I figured that if I could wait a lifetime for you, then I could wait a few extra minutes. But - and I know I don't have to tell you this - you didn't show up. Why couldn't you have just ripped my heart out and thrown it in front of a large moving vehicle? I would be in a lot less pain. I hope you are happy that you ruined the one good thing in your life. I just ask one thing of you: Never speak to or try to make any form of contact with me again.

Screw you,
Cynthia

Date: Sat 10 Sep 05
Time: 6:47 PM
Folder: Orlando's Inbox, Cynthia's Sent-Mail
Subject: Never grow up into a jerk!

Orlando,

How could he? Why did everything have to go wrong? Why does everything always go wrong for me? Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut? I had to tell him that I love him. I just had to. No, I couldn't be happy as just friends. I had to go and ruin everything! I just had to tell him I love him. Now I am left with nothing. Nothing but this searing pain in my chest. Maybe it's a heartattack. That would be just my luck.

I want you to promise me one thing even if you never promise me anything ever again. When you grow up, do not become a jerk. Treat Jenna or whoever with compassion and kindness. If a girl tells you she likes you, at least give her the courtesy of letting her down gently and in person. I don't care if she is a stalker freak who collects your fingernails out of the garbage, tell her you are not interested in the nicest way possible.

Well, I hope you have a better evening than mine appears to be heading. Don't bother calling or anything, not that you would, because I'm going out with Daphne for the rest of the evening. I think I'll go see that movie anyway.

Love always from your big sister,
Cynthia

Date: Mon 12 Sep 05
Time: 3:42 PM
Folder: Leo's Inbox
Subject: [No Subject]

leo, i know you were cynthia's best friend and all so i just thought you might like a copy of her article. it came out in our newspaper yesterday. the visitation is tomorrow at our house and the funeral is on wednesday - in case you havent heard. heres the article - could you pass it on to cynthia's roommate too?

i hope your holding out better than we are
orlando

Date: Mon 12 Sep 05
Time: 3:43 PM
Folder: Cynthia's Inbox
Subject: Cynthia, Please Read This

Cynthia, my one and only darling - I know you probably hate me but if you've read this far please don't stop and delete the email. You need to hear what I have to say. I need to explain what happened friday night. You must believe me. I didn't stand you up. In fact I thought you stood me up because when I got to your dorm, you weren't there. I know I was late but I thought you would wait for me. After I got your letter, I didn't know what to do. I had no idea that you felt the same way about me as I feel about you. I didnt mean to steel your heart, especially since I thought you stole mine. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I fell in love with a long time ago - but I thought you didn't like me the same way so i tried to forgert you. I've liked you a long time but Ive never said anything because I though you didn't like me. I only dated those other girls to keep my mind off you. I should have checked my email earlier and written you sooner but I was pretty depress all weekend thinking that you stood me up. I know you asked me never to speak to you again but please, please be reading this now. Please understand that everything has been a huge misunderstanding. Please know that I know you. - Love always and forever - Leo